staying trying to contemplat life and how it is and not going the way it is meant to be knowing that im life knowledgeable and supposed to be an example of how it is meant to be handled. but it comes for others life and see clearly the way it is supposed to be handled and not for mine as it a full disgrase for me especially

so what are the mean point blank that im very short on 

first of all is my training program that is just a theory that im living in my head and heave shortned very hard on and is doing nothing daily. the first thing is to move contiously about the disease that i have and give it a minimum of correct movement daily